Fighting

It’s been more than a month, having and not having good news. When appears to be good news then, one day, you received an unpleasant surprise. Something is wrong. That day I decide not to be there. It looks like it’s my fault. I know it’s not. But it does not matter…something went wrong.

I lost somebody: a dear person close to me, not as close as I wish he had. I never told him how much I love him. My cousin was a very good person, I know that he wasn’t perfect, but he was an exceptional individual.

I miss him. But what I really missed was the chance to tell him how much I appreciated him. I never told him that I was proud that he was studying that the same career as me, I never told him that he was unique and admirable…I never told him I like him…I love him.

It is very sad that I was away…and that I spent a week thinking he was getting better when he was simply getting away. I just went to say good bye. I couldn’t do anything else. You had a mission and that mission was completed. Thank you.

Now, I’m distressed because there’s someone also very close to me, who was really close to not being with me. I know it’s going to take a lot of time before my grandmother gets better, but it really hurts to see her suffer.

I wasn’t around today, and she step back one little step. It wasn’t my fault but I felt guilty. Even if I have been there nothing would change. And yet, I felt bad, responsible, why I wasn’t there with her.

I want her to be better, she is the kindest person I know, I’m sad because she is sad. Her habit of carrying the problems of other as they were her own problems… She does not need my problems. Not her, not mine problems, I had to deal with them. She doesn’t need my uncles’ or aunts’ problems why is she stressing about them. It’s a bad habit that she is not going to break. It’s not got for her. But it’s not going to change.

I feel bad about her pain…which is not even entirely hers.

I want you to be better grandma. Please get better. Fight, you can do it. You are strong. You can do it. If I can help I’ll do it. But it’s up to you. And I know you can…please don’t let me down. Get better; I can’t imagine my life without you.

Empty Space

Long time without any posting…there has been a series of events in my life that prevent me from doing any blogging lately. I am doing it again because I think it's better to keep with my activities as they were before. I would like to forget it, but that would be unfair, not for me. Forgetting would be wrong. Emptiness is the only thing left. It's hard, painful and sour. Life will never be the same.

The pain does not come from the lost. It's no the first time I have had to deal with this kind of pain. However, losing someone close to me happened when I was too young to understand. Time helped me digest and grasp that event. Then, I discovered that when you lose someone the really painful part is not the lost, but the empty space that is left behind. People die, many die daily, and you say it easily. He or she is dead. They passed away; however what’s behind those words is what we have trouble dealing with. After the separation from a loved one, there is a hollow space in our minds and in our hearts now. How we deal with that is different for each individual. But the pain…the empty space is going to be there forever and ever, nothing is going to change it. We learn to live with it. We deal with it.

Forgetting would be easier, but also wrongful. I want to remember them, I have to…and certainly now that the pain is less acute I want to remember those who are no longer here, they went ahead. They are now waiting for me, for us.

Leobas “Junior” Alba
Rest in Peace

Yeah!!!

I saw the Yeah Yeah Yeahs live on September 15th, in the Fox Theater in Pomona CA.
It was awesome. The set of songs they played are mostly from their newest album, It's blitz. They played my favorite song, from the new album, Heads will roll check the video.

take care...

Wait why am I being nice???

Oh yeah, I am sleepy.

Later suckers (now I can sleep tight).

Random...comeback

“[Y]ou have reached optimum amount of fiber in your diet when your fecal material is floating, instead of sinking down, in the lavatory”. That was the idea one of my High School’s professor try to explain to us in a “Health” class. He did not use that exact words; however, I assure you that even with his "kiddie-nice-silly" explanation caused repugnance in most of fellow students...what the hell, he was only "shiitake-ing".

Hahahaha, if you did not get the joke you are not very smart...ok, I'll give you a link so you can read about shiitake.

Random, I know, but I'm back...not that you care, anyways.



Random pic too.

Should I write more or just leave, I'm waiting for a phone call, I can write about random stuff until they call me?

Yes.

OK, let see... Yeah, I'm back but you don't care anyways. I'm sending e-mails to my "friends" with a link to my blog, I hope that way I hope someone will comment my posts. And I wrote friends in quotes because I'm going to find out who are my real friends. effers...

Sometimes I feel like this girl in the pic...my friends are few and mostly living a thousand miles from here. I miss them. Those who live here are even fewer and sometimes I feel like they do not get me. I am too cool, too smart, too awesome for them? I don't know. effers....

OK, got go.

take care.

Pieces left on a trip

When you take a road trip and you look outside the window and you see how the landscape passes by, it hard not to think about stopping and staying there for a moment.
This means that our lives stop for a second on each of this spots on the road.

Our souls are released from their flesh prisons. Just for brief moment, but free anyway.

The emptiness of the scenery fill our mind and let our imagination flow and expand.

Longing to stay there and never reaching our destination however generate something else in our hearts and minds.

Our hearts are filled with angst because we can't stay behind on this little pieces of landscape.

And we left pieces of our souls on the road, wishes of staying there that long for peace and are stuck there as a desire never fulfilled.

Finals...

I'm about to take the last final of this quarter. I'm glad that's almost over (hell yeah, i hope i don't fail in this one). I took three two days ago and it was painful by the end of the day.

This is my reason why i haven't post in a while (finals, plus i got lazy, one has to rest and do nothing...hell yeah! procrastination rules!)

I would write more but I'm about to leave. I hope the final is easy (crap, I should study more... I should be studying instead of typing this shit!!!)

Anyways, take care.

SF trip

In march of 2009, I took a trip to San Francisco, California. My aunt, her husband, and my little cousin were visiting from Mexico. Almost all of my relatives living here decided to go along and this is the evidence from that trip. I f***ing love the city. It's the feeling that you are in a cosmopolitan location combine with the cool breeze from the sea and modern atmosphere. It's really cool.

It's nice and they are doing a lot of construction in like the bay area like these apartments.

You see, lots of new buildings.

Sculptures with scantly clothed men.... well is San Francisco after all, right?

This is the view of the bay, you can say "down town", from Alcatraz. "The Rock" is very interesting too. It was cold as hell! Which may seem odd looking at the sunny picture above. However, the air was freezing. They say is a cold city, but I don't mind it. Heck, I like to move in there! There have a lot of concerts and i like the culture there.

Cargo ships and cranes to load them up viewed from a bridge that is like the Golden gate but less known (that's why i do not f***ing can remember its name at the moment).

A seagull posing for me. Views like these are abundant in these city. even an amateur photographer like me can take awesome pictures like this one with the beautiful imagery this city has to offer.

You may recognize this pic from another post. This one I took it on my way back from SF.

And of course, The Golden Gate, It's blurry 'cause me and my cousins were jumping and running; and because I suck at taking pictures too.

Take care.